Hello again long time no see,
I suddenly felt lazy to write my journal and that's why there is no update if I remembered it's been almost two weeks (10 days) I am not making any writing in this blog. Need not worry then, my creativity has fueled again! I will share my experiences about what I find, especially in my personality, how to deal with it and if nothing work, how to embrace it so enjoy my blog!
So where do I start? I have no update since the day before my first yoga teacher training in Pearl Bay sport's club and I think I would write about my training in the different section since this just made for a journal purpose. In these 10 days, I dig deep about what is my true personality since what I felt a year ago, the day I retake the test, show a different result from the previous one.
As what I found, the first time I took the test in my high school period, I got ENFP result and the factor of it is because I am easy to blend with new people and getting a new friend is not hard, the social factor makes me need to be friend with someone. I think that is the nearest assumption to say of why I got that result and back to my nature, I was quiet, even I can initiate a conversation, I tend to be a listener and drawback to the bigger group.
Another factor that makes me to scored an extrovert is also my inability to understand the test and write down the answer as I assumed so the result might bias in that time. How do I confident to say that I am not extrovert? well, I have studied about myself and learn that even I have a decent social skill to getting along with people, I have a very limited energy to spend. Usually after two to three deep conversation with a person, my quiet side come and draw me back from social life.
Many describe me as friendly and can get along with everyone, I admit it. I have an inner side that is caring and empathy. I can easily heartfelt to poor people and sometimes my tear is falling to touching story or movie. Because of this wonderful traits, I could see the inner beauty of people and sometimes feel what they feel. This helps me to make a smooth transition from getting a conversation with a stranger.
Later in the university, I got a beautiful moment with my foreign friends in my dormitory and we manage the relationship well. I even travel with them and that was one of the best moment I ever had, even all of us were foreign, we just connected to each other. Well sadly, some of us completed the study here and we need to be separate. Here I felt extremely sad because we will not see each other anymore but later I understand that in life, people come people go.
During this period, I am curious about my future career as some of my countrymate has known their life goal and what to pursue, while I just enjoying my time so I retake the test and got INFP as a result. The more mature I am, the more I spend time myself to think what I am going to be. I felt this result resonance to my life as the description relates to me. It is like thinking about someone that is you. The way I help junior is totally same from what it described there, as the way I pick a friend is depend on my emotion then I build an intense relation that shares the same weight as an old friend.
It was beautiful trait until the time I had a very bad time that I secluded myself to society. This time, I learn the best experience I ever had from my kind behavior that not everyone has the willingness to sacrifice as much as you. One friend whom I consider as a close friend is too dependable and emotionally demanding. I need to be with him every single time and most of the time he calls. My bad part is I always feel bad to reject someone offers so I almost accept every offering comes to me so anytime he calls, even I was not in my mood, I just agree with it. (but now I grow stronger, I could say a disapproval at least).
The friendship began so good because we share same hobbies but by the time goes by, he seems disrespect toward my choice and way of thinking, some of the jokes hurt my soul but I cannot say anything because I never reject someone. This kind of situation went worse gradually until the time I could not stand anymore, I make an independent approach. I shut down all the communication and leaving myself by going somewhere alone. I feel so much freedom during that time and try to think about my next plan.
I cut all the social necessity at class, I remain silent and ignoring people. Some of my friends start to feel irritated and I do not really care, as what I need is my personal space. Later I understand that I could not do that as I lose half of my friend in the university. Now, everytime they had a meeting, they just pretend as I do not exist.
During that time, I felt on the lowest point of my life, I almost graduated but I have no future plan, I lose my close friend the one I could learn about business and bunch of his friend. Seems my life is failed because I put it all to my friend. Now I need to stand alone, make my own decision, and working on something is harder without an accomplice.
In this time rather than consult to my friend about my feeling, I seek another way by searching it on the internet. This comes to my independence point as I don't want to bother someone as myself. The bad thing about an internet is the solution is there but what I need is a personal touch and during that time I need it, a lot.
Later I took the test again and the result changed to INTP. The result changed twice as first I got ENFP, then INFP. I stick to it and some of the time I retake the answer is INTP but if I dig down my true personality, I am not really like that. It described INTP as someone who love to debate and found it fun, not really care about relationship and perfectionist.
The more I study about the test, the more I understand about why sometimes I score INTP and rarely score INFP. It happens because my feeling is important to determine the Feeling or Thinking result. Whether I felt sad and draw myself from society, I score INTP. Whether after yoga class, having a good time with people, I score INFP. Later I study about a person who scores 50:50 in his third element (feeling-thinking) and there is no closest answer to it as I need to answer it with my heart. Do the results really resemble with my true personality? You know, sometimes the difference in thinking-feeling just 1-3%, never more than that. However, some psychologist said that there is no INXP.
Later I collect the data of a person who gets INFP and INTP and relates my life and the characteristic. The result back to what resonance with my heart, an INFP. I set my heart to it and accept everything bad or good in my personality. I blindfolded my counterpart personality as this time I am pretty sure that this is the right one. I began to the journey of to discover myself and the answer revealed one by one of why I like to give up quickly, or too emotional toward a relationship, or why until now I never found any suitable careers, or else.
I hope I could answer it all one by one but right now I am a bit sleepy so I will continue it tomorrow, I promise. I need to keep on track with my life too as this is important to keep myself on track so see you tomorrow.
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