Hello again,
Today my day spent, as usual, wake up in the late morning, you know the plan of building a morning habit for thirty days did not work, finishing some stuff and I got a call from the tax department that I need to activate my electronic tax ID and register my tax. Nothing much happen in the evening, I just checking on my phone and chat with some of my friends.
In the night, I took two yoga classes, a power and a gentle lead by the same teacher. The first class is about arms balance so there is a lot of wrist mobility and arms strengthening before we went to the peak pose, a funky crane. At least I learn to prepare the pose with some tiger crawl and a lot of Vinyasa flow so later if I want to make up the class I know what to prepare.
The second class has no straight point since we just do some stretching. What a good thing happen today is I talked my life view with my dad, about my current view of the life, the acceptance of reality, and the reason why I should feel grateful. You know my mood has been a roller coaster since around one year ago, started with my cancellation of my plan to pursue my master degree.
It happens a year ago when I decide to refuse my ex-GF plan to study abroad and have a life there. Before I agreed with her decision, since I had no better plan after I graduate from my bachelor and it is a good thing to pursue a graduate degree to have a better foundation and skill in work. At that time, I need to wait for the university offering which took one-year preparation with my English test and GMAT (Graduate Management Assessment Test), a special test for those who pursue MBA degree. My mistake is I did not take any job at this time and you know what happen to someone who just graduated from his school and he need to study again for one year? Yes, my spirit gradually depleting and I began to questioning is this degree is worth it or not.
I wish at that time I take any kind of job-related to my degree, so at least if I did not make it or change of plan, I still have a year of experience working incorporation. Well, continue to the story, many studies without motivation bring me to frustration and at one point, I give up with this plan, we broke up and I don't know what to do with my life. I began to question myself if my study during 4 years spent in the university is worthwhile because I do not have a feeling of working in a company.
I contacted to some of my friends and feel that the friendship has changed, everyone is busy with their life and because of this condition, I need to move on. This time, everything is harder because I don't have the momentum of getting a job as common people who just graduated, most of them are supporting each other to land a job, share their interview experiences and so on. I don't have that moment.
This kind of situation lead me to engage with one and two years younger friend who still sitting on the bench, they still need to finish with their final year paper and I hang out with them. At the first time, I feel like a loser since I lose one step in my life but that is okay, one year is worthy but finding the right job is the most important. I began to have the same mindset as senior year, that is a hunger for getting an interview, and this story leads me to the job of my current company.
During the interview process, they asked me about what am I doing in a gap year, do I really hard to find a job or what and I honestly answer about my plan to study abroad but somehow I could not get the scholarship so I needed an experience first before I pursue a better degree. They are nice and accept me to their group, and at first, I work at their management trainee before finally they placed me in the finance division since they need someone to fill the position.
So, after I land a job, I move on with my life and plan to my next step? exactly! It comes to my idealistic mind that I need to own my apartment by myself and so on but I missing the point of my career progression. At first, I feel something new happen with my life but it only last for a short time, I got bored with morning wake up, commotion which takes 2 hours and another 2 hours of return, monotonic job, and sometimes I had much free time. I slowly began to hate my job but what can I do? I asked some of my friends who already work and they said this is the common thing to do as a worker so even if I move to another job, the routine would be quite same with my current job, and leaving the company for a short time is not good to be put on my CV.
At this point, I began to search my life purpose which is late since I already 23 at that time but I need to solve this once for all or I will get another dissatisfaction for getting into wrong job or decision. I take any kind of career test on the internet, consult with a psychologist, and spend time for myself to listen what is my purpose of life. This kind of situation really drag me down because I feel like stay in a wrong box, and the bad part is I began to view life as unfair, some know what they are doing during their childhood, they were gifted with such talent and surrounded by successful circle, something that I don't experience in my life.
My parent notices the different in my attitude and I slowly began to be more pessimistic. The bad part is I seek another medication by finding a girlfriend because at that time I feel that she can lead my life but who want to date someone who doesn't have a future in it? Even my friend introduced me to their friend, the negativity and the skeptical thinking about myself makes the girl think that I am not welcoming. I perceive that I am not good enough or the girl just want to get the benefits from me even it is not like that. This condition is such a vicious cycle, if I am not realized it faster, it can possibly drain my confidence anytime I meet a girl. Fortunately, I know how to break them, by being myself and let it go.
I know my parent is caring and always, but they lack understanding. They don't see my difficulties and their kind of solution is lame, they keep saying to be closer to God and He will help me with my problem. Well, there is some problem that I need to solve by myself, and nothing worse as the solution is just to pray. I believe that this problem, I need to solve it by myself, by searching to my deepest core of my heart, the answer is within me.
Later I wrote down the possible career I ever wanted to do in my life and imagine the process and do I really have what it takes to be successful there. I plan to divide my life by 40:30:30 in a day, as I spent 10 hours in working and 7 hours in sleeping, then I leave 7 hours to do what I love. I will work on this until I really know what is my calling, then I could shift my working time to pursue my dream career.
Well you know in reality, that I spent almost half day searching for my calling, even in the office when I was free, and my life is getting better again, I found my new direction and open my mind to the prospective career path. Everything has its time and I got suddenly tired with my searching as I don't see any bright point, so I do as what article says that you need to work on it to see it with your eyes.
So my plan to it is by trying my best to study the field before I really decide to change the path. My first path is being a Geologist, as I prefer to work outside and independently, able to work in an unusual location, exploring new things about earth and nature and far from the crowd. Later I spend my weekend in the local university library and pretend that I am their student so they could grant me an access to the book (you know this type of book is not sold outside). I learn the mechanism of the mining industry, the process of getting a license and how to estimate the cost, yeah I learn a lot but once I stepped on the obstacle that there is much theory and I hate to memorize, by the time I am easily bored, finally I decline to learn more.
The second thing I learn about photography, since I start my art field during my high school time working voluntarily as a multimedia division so I give a chance to work on it. I finished the manual book and understand the function of the camera just in one day. Next, I learn a lot about the theory of photography and this hobby last for half year, you know when I really into it, anytime I going somewhere alone and try to snap some picture with the new skill I just learned on the internet. The reason I stopped this is because there was a time I am bored with photography and leave my camera for a week, then it become two weeks and until now I rarely bring my camera again.
I also start a reselling business in many industries, from snack to cosmetic and none of them generate money. It happens because I hate to market the product and update the information of the product daily, not to mention that I need to handle a conversation with a customer with the same topic again and again. The marketing stage is very crucial when starting a business before it can generate the money and I already gave up, I could make a grand business plan but in the execution, I give up.
The third thing is about making a jewelry in Beading. There was a time that I saw a beaded gemstone matched perfectly to Yogi look. After many defeat in my entrepreneurial experience, I would give another chance to myself, to learn how to sew a bead and make a bracelet. I learned it from my friend and some technique from the internet. Later I seek the supplier of the bead stone and the thread. I made around ten varieties and when I show to my friend, not many of them are interested, they even bargain lower than its capital! I stay cool and some of it I could successfully sell so it could cover the expenses, the problem at this time is I don't have a channel to market the product and this type of business has limited demand of customer so I still accepting the request but I am not actively market it on the internet.
The fourth thing which just happens a month ago, I want to learn about web design since I had a passion for making a piece of art and I was confident enough with my logical skill. At the first time, the beginning was smooth, I attended a free class in nearest programming courses around my office and I think the feeling of passion will be developed gradually. I learn the basic function of HTML and when it comes to complicated option in CSS, my spirit of learning just went down. Later I am not touching anything and this new activity just dies as the past one.
Well, there is one thing that I keep doing it until now and I was surprised, as a person whom easily get bored like me could maintain the activity, which is my yoga class. I am still as one year ago, attend the class every day and keep awake with the information related to yoga. That is why I took the teacher training and hope it could deepen my practice and when I am ready, I could begin to teach yoga.
You know, I was really grateful because at least I know what to do when I am feeling low, or nothing I could be better, by practicing my yoga. I really thankful to my God and also myself to know about yoga. After taking the personality test again and again, and doing a research about my type, I began to understand why I never hit my dream career, because it never exists. Though of it, I still keep on learning to any field that brings my interest, and when I hit the bottom, I feel less frustrated since I take it as a normal thing. I have my own way to live and until now what I want to be is same with our legendary musician, John Lennon, who is an INFP too, to be happy.
In order to reach the happiness, my own way is to let go, to appreciate myself better and to be grateful for everything happens in my life and the happiness will flow by itself. In the next five-year, I have not any plan of it but one thing that I am sure about is that I am still happy and I learn more things which make me a better person. So, to closing this topic, and the answer to the title, is to let everything flow, by listen to our heart and trust our feeling. The best thing comes naturally. When there is a chance, just take it without thinking the possible risk, because everything is beautiful, when our eyes and heart are in a positive state.
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