The Sparkline: Welcome Back, My Old Memories

It's been a long day I am not writing this blog anymore, since April last year if I could remember. The reason underlying of it might be obvious, I get the new job and I am quite enjoy it until today. Mid April last year would be my last turn point since I made a huge decision, by moving from the old company, which have been habitual since the workload and the responsibility was not as big as today, and I could spent most of my time staying at home, while currently I regret being like that since I didn't make the most of my life challenging.

During my leave, I have reached to the certain point when I hit the ground many times, and hoping to turn back my decision but deep inside my heart, I knew I am growing mentally in this tough situation. I am sorry if this story confusing from the beginning since I knew I had changed from last year, and many things happen that shaped me to what I have become right now.

I would like to start from the beginning, when I make a huge decision last year. I still remember at that moment, I stand in zero point, nothing good, nothing bad, but I realized one thing that I lose if I stay, which is time. There is a lot of plan in my head, but zero execution. Going for master degree? I still didn't know which/ the specific program I want to take, to enhance my further career or life. Becoming a yoga teacher? I have had teaching for donation and I felt this couldn't be monetize, as I keep my yoga practice as it is. Start a business? I just love to start, especially create a business plan but please never ask how it is going after a week since I easily get bored. My current job at that time has only take my time to be more productive and make my brain works.

Many of my friends, have their career progression. Some of them already promoted into supervisor, even my childhood friend, which I never met him personally, I had heard from my friend he already been a manager in a well known company. In my company, most of the worker has been married, so you can imagine they have their own life. They will work as long as it could make their little circle, or what people say a family, has fulfilled.

This situation indirectly lead me to an empty life. Some of them have been detached from our circle, since the job requires them to still busy until night in order to have it done. My circle is filled with self-entrepreneur or family business type of friend, while I didn't see any positive side from them during our gathering since they also felt bored with what they are doing. I knew it, the income is greater than working in corporate, since the business system already robust and just need an administrative task to keep everything under situation.

I even didn't know what makes me stay, to wake up in the morning, work, come back home during evening (before 5 pm) to avoid traffic, and yoga session. I only remember my short escape just doing what I love, which is yoga. My emotional life also getting worse since I could not find any girl to hang out, even just a conversation. There is two or three moment of went out with a girl but there is no second meeting. I knew, I speak too serious and poorly make a joke is the main turnoff for most of the women. Any topic always lead to my life and I know my life is such a boring.

I feel nothing with my life

I just want to die peacefully

This word is perfect to describe of how I am so depressed at that moment.

Until,

I realized one thing that I lack of, which is lead me to this life. That is "I am not getting challenged by anyone".

Which, I need a challenge right to getting me to the next step of my life? If that so, how do I create a challenge since no one asked me a challenge? Even my current job is not a challenge anymore. Well, how if I turn this down, get a new job that is full of challenge? and at that moment when I think of it, I felt such an energy, to start this now.

In the next post, I will write my experience of moving to the new job.