My insomnia went worse, it's been two weeks I go to sleep at 3 am. Seems like my body clock has to get used to my sleep habit and even worse, my mind is in the peak performance during midnight. I start getting sleepy on 2 am and it takes around one hour to fall asleep. My parent is getting worried since some time they woke up around 2 and found me awake.


I know this is not good for my body since this is the time for restoration but sadly I could not help it, I know what makes me fall asleep faster however it is not possible right now. I share my room with my sister and I am sensitive to light, any source of light, even it just a small flickering light from phone notification may distract my process to fall asleep.


I remembered the time I could fall asleep fast during my time, study abroad, I have my own room and I could design it anything I want, so later once I had much money I would like to stay alone in my private room. Another stuff to mention about my kind of room is, I would like to have a huge glass window with curtain, so in the morning, I could get energized from the sunlight coming from the window.


Okay back to my daily, so yesterday I had finished with my HTML basic and I planned to start to learn CSS for today but it fail and I am not surprised, my mood of learning web design just got depleted today, but I am not sad and forcing myself, which may lead to uneffective time using and frustration so why I am not giving myself a day? My progress in web design is at the right pace, and I just wish to find a community of newbie web designer, so we can learn together and share the techniques or even a gathering, I wish that.


From this experience, I can learn how to develop my skill in my own way.  It seems that I have a similar interest in both yoga and web design, the time I devoted to working there is just much yet why my web design progress fail behind, just in one week? I am not joking here, you know how bad I am when learning some stuff, usually, I got instant motivation which only keeps me for a day. One week should be something different since I am very choosy on what subject I am going to learn.


My learning process come in this step, it should caught my interest to learn about it, and then I don't need to build my interest since it will attract naturally. Next, I will find any information relate and my day would be focused on the subject. In only one day, I already figured out the big picture and fantasize myself if I be expert on that field. This one should be important because from here I will decide if i want to proceed with the process of not. If yes, I make a plan to visit a library or google searching ton of article relate and then I build a plan (which 98% I never make it) and start passionately. Since I much focused on the first step, I could get burn out quickly.


If someone suggest me to break down the learning in small part, well I can't. Once my mind is heading in that direction, I will rush only to that direction, until the time of my energy empty. I am not surprised if I found myself work on half day to learn a thing. I have tried another learning style to break down your job but this one just went back fire since I have the very limited time of interest so before it expires, I should take as much as I can.


I study myself about my learning process and investigate the solution with different cases in the past since some subject I could learn continuously (yoga) and I figure out why. If I remember, not in one week I was passionate about yoga and there was a time I talked to a guy about some technique and he was so helpful to my pose progress. In about that week, later he introduced me to his community, which is filled with a person who was passionate about learning yoga. I felt such an acceptance in that group. All of them were friendly and do not hesitate to fix my posture problem. Acceptance is such a rare word in my dictionary and this experience makes my yoga journey beautiful.


In another month, I talk to the stranger beside my mat and our conversation went wonderful, later she introduces me to the best group I ever been, which I could devote myself to keep this group alive. Maybe I am a bit idealistic, nothing in this world will last forever but if I have the option to choose on which group I could stay for the rest of my life, then I would stick to this group.


This group consists around a dozen of an enthusiasticaly yogi, who have the heart to train and some are working on their teaching. One thing that makes me fit with this group is most of our conversation filled with such constructive and positive words. Any information shared freely and all of them, I know from their heart, would help if they are able to. I hope our togetherness could last long, I hope.


Back to the topic of my learning, this pleasant experience leads me to the secret of effective learning from a person who give up quickly. The keywords are; find a good community that can help you grow. Let others know your battle and always respect their opinion, they already spend their time and effort just to help you learn faster and avoiding mistake they ever made.


The rule has no exception, even you are independently strong, usually went single fighter in every problem, there is the time you need a helping hand to get you passing through. I could not imagine if I am not getting into the community, do I still actively learn yoga or not even I am passionate about it. The community keeps your knowledge deeper and opening your insight toward the related field, even when you are in the low season.


In the end of this post, I will write this for myself so once I forget the way to learn a thing, I could just read on this summary. You guys can implement it to your learning process too if you will. My learning process sounds differ since I am not gifted with persistence so I took a different approach to learning a thing.

1. Get you interested in. If not, just leave it. Don't waste time, time is precious.

2. Learn about it, find any information about it, get a big map about the process and imagine yourself doing and success in this field. Dream big!

3. Start as fast as you can, you don't know when your energy will last. Get stick to your first plan and if your body able, take two days plan in one day.

4. Your energy level should be diminished, don't let yourself fall because in about one or two days your study will be a history. Therefore, cut your study time because it not really works and you should be focusing on finding a good community.

5. Got your community and if you do not find the best one that is okay, at least, you have been in a place that has a people with the same interest. In this community, get in touch to other, I believe some of the member also have another group. Stay humble and always talk positive.

6. Once you get your community then somehow your learning journey would be less hard as you know where to find the answer and teaching other also good to retain your knowledge. Win-win solution!

7. I quite forget with this point and I am not talking about this. If you think you are enough with your work and it feels such a plateau, a state where you can't go further, find any event outside such as yoga festival and for web programming, hackathon. Go to any field-related convention, meet inspired people, find the different approach of learning from them, it just a same with your community, just a bit bigger.

8. Last, when you are in your low season, it is okay to stop for a while. Take a small look back on your progress and be proud of yourself. Acknowledge yourself, not every people can achieve this. Then it is better if you can promise yourself to help others. Remember, you were once are clueless in this field, make a good chain of assistance, make yourself memorable.

That is enough I think and I would like to thank myself because I just get the mood to write, although it was hard to start the first paragraph. Right now my yoga journey already on the eighth step and I feel this as the best method to learn in my pace, while my web design just stepped on the fourth step, hoping I could find a good community before it gone by the wind so
I hope my writing could be your inspiration and see you next time on my blog.

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I set my expectation low on the first training since I got such unprofessional manner from the person who will be our teacher. I felt that and my subjective judgement to him came from the last minute announcement of our training schedule that will last for a month and a half and some information were unclear, no specific description whether the food is included and the teaching module. On that day, I don't want to think much, I already paid for it already and hope for the best outcome from this training.

Some of you might be confused with my decision if the pre-experience you feel not alright then why I drop the decision on this teacher? Well, I have been done a research, to select the right course of my yoga teacher training and my judgement mostly based on the graduates teaching experience, I knew three of the graduates teach well in class and we also develop a friendship by sharing information about yoga and its technique. Two of them recommend me to take a teaching training to study deeper about yoga foundation of teaching and philosophy.

Later from that, another yoga teacher whom I met also recommend me to take teacher training at their previous place. I understand there are many yoga schools and thanks to them, it shorten my research time since qualitative data is harder to get. Later I do a background checking of the founder, stalking their information through social media and watch their words in it, to see if they really have a heart for teaching or just for generating money. Don't get me wrong, even in this health and green business, there is always a way to monetize it.

I am not saying monetize health based product or service is bad, but some people did it without consideration. Just imagine a greedy public religious image have a business and do politics, which is possible but far from what it called "enough". Well, what is that idealistic thinking by the way since the concept still alive but people abandoned it. Everyone need to eat and live up and that is their own choice but still, I just feel bad for a person who become a yoga teacher just for getting money, do they still care with the purpose of teaching? I don't know.

So we back to the discussion of why I choose this teacher. Well I have answered point number one, his personal background, what makes him a teacher, what is his teaching experience, how long he has been teaching yoga, how about his alumni, and if it possible, do they provide the teaching curriculum so we know what we will cover (some place kept the secret of their curriculum). Point number two, I also have talked on above, how he create a teacher from his teaching, do the student know the correct alignment, how to adjust correctly, how to survive and win in this industry? All of this information is important to keep a teacher updated and sustain to the new change.

Point number three, somehow I want to put this to point number one. The place, price, time, availability and limited seats per alumni. Yoga teacher training takes time so I don't want to take it out of my city, and it is not fun to have a huge debt in renting a place. Price not so important here, most training cost similarly same, but the price can be doubled up if the teacher is a foreigner. Since my work can be done in off-hour, time does not play a big part but some office worker considers this the most important decision point to decide their training. Availability also important, some training only opens twice a year and I don't want to lose my vibe and time just for waiting. In this point, I take serious consideration on seats, as I understand of how the class filled with 50 students and 15 students. It has huge differences in learning as more private is better.

Everyone should understand that there is no guaranteed job after teacher training, one should seek his own way to teach, either voluntarily teach in the local community, charity event, yoga studio, gym, doing a private class or open their own studio. There is the way to at least increase your credibility of your training certificate by choosing a programme which already registered globally under certified yoga certification standard. Some YTT does not provide with the international standard and this may bring a hard time for graduates find his first teaching job as their certification doesn't recognise. Even some gym (mega gym) asking for actual teaching experience or I called that voluntarily teach somewhere to have a teaching experience.

Point number five relate to the curriculum itself and if I could not find it on the internet, I will gather the information from the alumni. What is the curriculum will heavily on? Is it poses, alignment, theory, practice, or teaching? This is so important because what they learn makes them as their teaching character. I experienced not all teacher can teach correctly. I am not a hard fan's of alignment but bad alignment reducing the effectivity of training, even lead to injury. Some teacher is so detailed to one pose, can lead a class bored.  I even found a teacher training that has mantra practice and game with other participants, which I look down to it. The reason is simple, we are paid to learn not having fun. What important for me is after graduation, whether the graduate will be teaching or not, they are ready to teach.

In the end, there is some process to choose the right program and I felt my approach already enough to give me the best program, which enables me to be a good teacher afterwards. If it not, there is room to learn as the learning process never stop, finishing a teacher training program is just another step of learning and it doesn't mean my yoga journey is over, there is always a new thing to learn in this field.

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It's been a long time no writing since I began to learn how to make a website. Around 5 days I guess this blog has no presence to my new post. I really sorry and this is my bad since I was much focused on learning HTML, my interest to blogging has reduced much. Well, it takes a time to drive my will to write in this blog again since I should switch some time so I did not get burn-out by learning HTML.

I taking my first website design class off-line, by sign up my name to a free class in nearest to my house. It begins on Sunday morning, around 9am and I could not get enough sleep since I just slept on 4am on that day but my willingness to learn is undoubtedly good so I pushed myself to attend the class, also given the fact that it only last three hours.

My personal experience touching HTML is like a 5-year-old kid trying his first bicycle, full of curiosity. I met others participant, he was self-working as freelancer manager, taking up many web designer and programmer to work under his table yet he still want to learn about coding, bravo to him by the way!.  We began to create a folder naming by our own name and in it first we create a folder for sample picture, and then another folder for .html and .css type file.

We went to the first lesson, introducing of website interface and .html structure. It starts with <html> and end with </html>, I learned that "</>" is called a tag and there were around 200 tags in HTML as a component of a website. For today class, 70% of the topic will be focused on the HTML and the rest is about CSS. That two programs serve the foundation to make a simple website. HTML works as the structure while CSS works as the design.

I learn quite a lot for one day, how to write a title in head tags, the differences of coding language between HTML and CSS, the list which is unordered list that we use the combination with CSS to make the list horizontally, to insert image and link, the differences between margin and padding as they were similar in function, and at last the footer.

All the experience is a kickstart for me to learning the web stuff and since last three days I was busy with learning HTML from this website, I recommend this website as the information there given for free and great explanation from the experts. If I could break down what I learned for the day since I missing writing here, in my first day of learning I try getting myself used writing codes in HTML, the way I did it same as common people learning, by doing a rework of example and try to modify the property and value, see if it could work and I believe the best way to learn a thing is by doing it.

More specifically, by given an order this is what I learned already:


The structure of .html, separated by two basic elements, heading and body.

Writing a paragraph and a heading. Linking them with .css to modify the style.

What can be put in heading besides <title>, such as meta tags and "style-type".

The differences in writing on .html and .css, there were slight differences in definition "="
with ":" and "<>" with "{}".

The Block line element and Inline element differences, the dependency between them and how they affect.

The type of Block line element such as paragraph, heading, blockquote (q) and lists; and the type of Inline element such as bold/strong, em/italic, superscript/subscript, strikethrough(s/del), underline(u/ins).

How the list works and their variation; unorder, order, and the definition list. Also to change the property of list: I/i/a/1.

The concept of Selector, Property, and Value in Tags

Link the text or image to the image folder or specific target by using anchor tags and the knowledge of hypertext references in linking Value. Also, link the page to another page by using "#"

Basic table making, table, table row, table data.

Making a form using .html, form type: name, password, radio (with checked), square and submit. Also, make a comment box and selector with given option box.

The definition of <div> and <span> and how they simplify and clarify the works by doing div "id" or span "class" to form an internal link between page.

The meta tags function and how to use it properly (meta name, charset, and http-equiv).

I think that is enough for three days effective learning and in my spare time, I manage to collect the information about being a graphic designer since my true calling project in design will start in May. I read this article and I think that is enough for three days effective learning and in my spare time, I manage to collect the information about being a graphic designer since my true calling project in design will start in May. I read this article and believe to myself that I could finish this for half year.

Tomorrow is my big day, my first yoga teacher training will start in tomorrow so I should go to bed earlier for today. I hope I grow every day, and see you on my next post.

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Every people have their own way to learn the subject and it was debatable of which method consider as the best way to learn something quickly as our human brain was unique, we have many different responses to the new stuff and what we memorized in our brain is depending on how we work on it.

It was wonderful to understand and know our way to learn because this can make our learning process quick and the memory is retainable in our brain for long. Many of us listen to the wrong opinion about learning though there is no perfect way that guaranteed the best result, for example, some can learn stuff with noises while other need a complete silent to learn.

There were many spectrums to see the dimension of learning. Some can feel personally challenged once given a limited time or deadline while other got stuck in no idea in that situation. Listening to the seminaries may work but some of us felt sleepy to listens to knowledgeable thought for an extensive period of time.

A scientist found one basic principle of human learning that still being used to exploring what consider the best way to learn for every individual and until today the method still effective used by researcher and practitioner. The way of human learning was separated into three different categories which are auditorial, visual, and kinesthetic.

I cite in this website since this explain better and have in-depth analysis.

Auditory

Auditory learners often talk to themselves. They also may move their lips and read out loud. They may have difficulty with reading and writing tasks. They often do better talking to a colleague or a tape recorder and hearing what was said. To integrate this style into the learning environment:

1. Begin new material with a brief explanation of what is coming. Conclude with a summary of what has been covered. This is the old adage of “tell them what they are going to learn, teach them, and tell them what they have learned.”
2. Use the Socratic method of lecturing by questioning learners to draw as much information from them as possible and then fill in the gaps with you own expertise.
3. Include auditory activities, such as brainstorming, buzz groups, or Jeopardy. Leave plenty of time to debrief activities. This allows them to make connections of what they learned and how it applies to their situation.
4. Have the learners verbalize the questions.
5. Develop an internal dialogue between yourself and the learners.

Visual

Visual learners have two sub-channels—linguistic and spatial. Learners who are visual-linguistic like to learn through written language, such as reading and writing tasks. They remember what has been written down, even if they do not read it more than once. They like to write down directions and pay better attention to lectures if they watch them. Learners who are visual-spatial usually have difficulty with the written language and do better with charts, demonstrations, videos, and other visual materials. They easily visualize faces and places by using their imagination and seldom get lost in new surroundings. To integrate this style into the learning environment:

1. Use graphs, charts, illustrations, or other visual aids.
2. Include outlines, concept maps, agendas, handouts, etc. for reading and taking notes.
3. Include plenty of content in handouts to reread after the learning session.
4. Leave white space in handouts for note-taking.
5. Invite questions to help them stay alert in auditory environments.
6. Post flip charts to show what will come and what has been presented.
7. Emphasize key points to cue when to takes notes.
8. Eliminate potential distractions.
9. Supplement textual information with illustrations whenever possible.
10. Have them draw pictures in the margins.
11. Have the learners envision the topic or have them act out the subject matter.

Kinesthetic

Kinesthetic learners do best while touching and moving. It also has two sub-channels: kinesthetic (movement) and tactile (touch). They tend to lose concentration if there is little or no external stimulation or movement. When listening to lectures they may want to take notes for the sake of moving their hands. When reading, they like to scan the material first and then focus in on the details (get the big picture first). They typically use color highlighters and take notes by drawing pictures, diagrams, or doodling. To integrate this style into the learning environment:

1. Use activities that get the learners up and moving.
2. Play music, when appropriate, during activities. (I like to listening while writing)
3. Use colored markers to emphasize key points on flip charts or whiteboards.
4. Give frequent stretch breaks (brain breaks).
5. Provide toys such as Koosh balls and Play-Dough to give them something to do with their hands.
6. To highlight a point, provide gum, candy, scents, etc. which provides a cross-link of scent (aroma) to the topic at hand (scent can be a powerful cue).
7. Provide highlighters, colored pens and/or pencils.
8. Guide learners through a visualization of complex tasks.
9. Have them transfer information from the text to another medium such as a keyboard or a tablet.

You can take the test here to know your own learning style. I had taken the test in my high school and the result is remain, only a slight change. Before I got the highest mark in my Kinesthetic and Visual, as both share the highest result and iI admit myself that Auditorial is not my best part while right now once again I securely mark Kinesthetics as my learning style. Every time I learn something I need to write it on the note, just for the sake to keep myself working while listening and watching the lecturer giving the information though after I do a heavy amount of writing I just totally ignore to re-watched it.

I can say that the best to learn a thing is by doing it, and no wonder of why I am taking many failures in my life as I tend to try it first, not read it or think about it as I thought there was less use than doing it practically. If I could summed up what is my next plan to find my "true calling", I would simply say to try it all, all the stuff i ever think to learn but it is not possible in the past, while i should work with my time management and use it more wisely. I would rather spend time of trials and even I know that is not working, at least I try.

So, in order to searching my true potential which lead to my "true calling", as I highlighted above, I would imply all these strategies while learning this:

Physical Therapies in Yoga
Website Design
Basic Method in Design, I love art yet I have not found which type of Design works for me
Holistic Nutrition
Content Writing

Among listed above, I will track the progress by time so I could see which qualifies to my calling. I will spend time equally learning all starting from the website design this month, starting from April and I heard from other sites that learn how to make a website starts in HTML. I will do my best and later on I will write the progress here.

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One hour left in this Cafe to write since I will have a yoga class at 6. I forget to cover what do I do in the Tuesday yet yesterday as what I promised in the previous post so to make it simple, I will describe it in one word, I am busy searching the article about writing career. Since three days ago, I enjoyed my time writing articles either in this blog or leaving a comment on social media. It seems that writing has taken my life and if this what my heart decide me to move, then I will go through it.

It comes in two reasons of why I decide this as one of the strong candidates to my further career. First, I recap what am I enjoy doing the specific activity for a long time, especially if I ignoring others plan just because I am in doing that activity and it comes to writing or any physical activities such as football. The second reason is I feel no pressure of doing it, whether I got paid or not does not matter much since this makes me feel better. I feel myself in content after I could put my effort in this activity as this activity stimulates my thinking and creativity.

I decide to spend a little time to do a research of what it takes to be a good writer, and do this career can be lucrative to pay my bill in the future?. The research shows that people take this job as a freelance, or a second job to increase their gain from the first job. Some who are dedicated make this as their main job fall into two different category. A starving artist whom later become a well-known author by given a slight chance of probability or those who follow the direction of job market demand to be a copywriter or content writer.

Those who work in the first category are true writer by heart, whose able to stand alone whether the public does not look upon them and keep writing since writing is their true calling, most people who dedicate themselves to write work on self-publication and able to withstand full day of writing, a typical fiction/ non-fiction writer.

Second category offer job progression faster since company website needs a professional writer to publish an informative yet attractive article to attract the viewer. In the world of digital technology, a conventional newspaper has almost been abandoned by people and what I heard from one article state that the people access news from their smartphone, and the number of declining demand of newspaper may possibly eliminate it from the existence of public.

In the last three days, I do a deeper comparison between creative writing, content writing and copywriting. All of them has their own unique characteristics and it own difficulties, different career paths and progression, the university program for the major. I like to start with the university programs, since this major fall in two category, literature, and media and communication.

Creative writing

Don't be fooled by its name. It does not relate to what you thinking of creative and I also got fooled too for the first time I hear that this major related with media, design, creativity based since it is not. This major focused greatly on how you articulate your ideas to writing, planning for a book-scale of a story, how to play with the emotions and psychological trick to amaze the reader. In a nutshell, this major is for those who dedicated their life to write.

Content writing

Content writing gained their popularity since the age of technology comes, by producing a good quality of information in a short article. There are infinite possibilities of topics depending on writer strength and preferences. Currently, food, travel, and specific product ranked highest on the job demand. The name of major just corrects with the field of study, to teach us how to write effectively in limited space (500 words) with informative quality that pamper the reader. Their main objection is to draw the attention of viewer into the reader, keeping them in the website by providing an informative article, and turning them from visitor into daily reader.

Copywriter

In a business perspective, if content writing is the quality of a product, then copywriter is the marketing of a product. Copywriter has a strategy using the selection of titles, bring the curiosity, and hide the true intention of marketized article. For those who unexperienced will see the article as normal however it full of marketing promotion, and an experienced copywriter can make it smooth. The purpose of a copywriter is to increase the traffic of a blog or website, by using word strategy or SEO techniques.

The combination of content writing and copywriting is the perfect synergy to attract the viewer and turning them to their subscriber.

There is one last category that I had not mentioned below since this require specific background of skill, which is a technical writer. Every major field who enjoy writing can be a technical writer, it just require less effort of how to simplify the specific verb used in scientific information to make the reader easy to understand. However, by given the total effort, technical writer require most effort among other since the writer need to exactly understand the field he wants to write on.

In career, most of the writer work as freelance but not all. Some of them consider writing as their side job especially for the content writer works to satisfy their crave to put their art into writing. The good point about this path is less pressure in life responsibility since you still have another source of income. The writing level for a content writer is moderately easy, since most of the writer whom took this path has has the knowledge to create a decent writing for example, a programmer mostly write about computer related article however the level may differ if the writer should write the article which considerably uncommon.

The job prospective is good but in career path, somehow the position can be replaceable since what writers need to have is the skill to articulate his thought into writing and his strength in specific field so often a company just picking one of their coworker to write article although the content may be not as good as a professional content writer.

Copywriter gain its fame and the demand of qualified copywriter is big, at least in one company should have one guy who is able to operate company website, company social media and company marketing content. As what i say, copywriter is the frontdesk fighter in getting new visitor in the internet. The optimization of search engine may rise the company website to first page, make it visible and easily discovered by searcher. The skill required to be a copywriter is not just the ability to write, but also how to create interesting title and content, having a good sense of keyword, fair enough to understand how website and search engine works. I consider my further career to be a copywriter though i am not really into marketing.

At last, creative writing has the highest difficulty in my respect. The margin of successful creative writer is big, the process of enduring many rejection from the publisher, the pressure in your head keep thinking can you make a living, and many sacrifice i could mention as time for family and friend. For those who walk on this road, i salute you and keep your passion up.

So here i am, in the edge of nowhere again with different intersection. I feel lost again, but i know by heart that i am going in the right way, i can feel that my first destination will appear. I know i wander much in this life and i have been through the tough times. I made a mistake in the past and i am fully awake right now, to discover what is be my "true calling".

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I consider talent as a natural gift since we were born, how we can differ from other, having a competitive gain which separates me from others. Talent is unique, everyone should have at least one, some earn more than one which obviously called multi-talent but how this can affect my decision making to my future career, what it has to offer and how do I use it wisely and efficiently so it can bring a positive way in my life and what quality of talent do I have? To answer all the question I need to reflect myself using my old approach, by turning back time to the time I was born so in specific condition the talent may spark, and right now I will catch it!.

For this experiment, the collection of data is not just coming from my personal experience but also, I asked my closest relatives and friends, at least, ten of them. The way I treated them could be a reflection for me to understand myself as they taking directly my treatment and the way my talent affect to them, to our surrounding, which sometimes I missed it.

In my childhood, I used to play alone, my dad was busy and always come back late while my mom also needs to work in her store. Most of my time spent with a caregiver, whom my parent pay her to stay with us to taking care of me. I could not remember clearly since it has been a long time but one thing that I remembered is I can be busy playing alone, fantasizing stuff around me to be what I think in my head. I could say that I am a dreamer, narrate an impromptu story from the middle of nowhere.

I think I have a serious issue related to it and this could be whether bad or good depending on how I think about it. That is a clear sign that I was born with good imagination and high creativity while in the other part this trait also has its own weakness, I hardly pay attention to what is real, causing many problems to my focus on study, since focusing on the study material requires consistent concentration and memorization. This is the reason behind my low marks on specific subjects regardless I have high IQ in average.

My imagination knocks at the random time, there is no exception to hold it since it comes from my head. It could ignite under purpose too but there should have a strong reason behind it, it comes when I caught in conflict with a person which occurs rarely honestly, my mind popped fight dialogues in my version and this could take more than an hour since the story will expand to somewhere else or when I have done something terrible and another dialogue popped in my head or at the time I could not help someone.

There is one secret of my life and I think this is the pinnacle of my imagination play, and because of this I can play with my mind for a long time, some of the good stories in my mind could be continued anytime and keep in my memory for a long time. The reason is because I have imaginary friend formed from my mind, its characters and traits of my preference. My favorite object to make me easier to visualize my imaginary friend is my pillow since its shape resembles a human.

Well, you don't need to afraid since there is no correlation with a mental disorder. It just my own personal method to escape from reality especially during my energy depleted. In other ways, fantasizing your own story may enhance your thinking in a different way. It is fun too but takes much time.

My academic score falling behind so it is hard to decide what is my strong subject that can relate to my passion as I remembered that I hate school. My classmate mostly assumed that I just weird. My jokes are not generally acceptable and my selection of topic during conversation is limited to what I like, I hate politics and drama in class, I never had a girlfriend even though I try to get one since I was bad in communication. All of them make my youth time sounds miserable.

This is what I regret most so now I am still searching what is my calling while someone else already chase them. I spent rest of my youth in video games and football. Imagine if someone wake up from his bed, went to school, do not join any clubs there, playing football till the school gate is about to close, continued with playing video and computer games then go to bed. If I summed up, what I spent all my year in middle high school just football and video game. I never study except at school and this the reason of why my grade always below standard.

Right until high school, one of my dad's friend introduce me to the teenage community of a church and my life is getting better, where else can you find a circle that is filled with reasonably positive attitude people, have many volunteer options to try and a reminder to keep you close to God. There was many volunteers vacancy I could try starting from still some of them require a background too such as music department. The options ranging from the multimedia department which manages the media (video, flyer design, projector), dance department which worships through dancing, prayer team for the generation and blessing, decoration team, public relation department and the last one, music department.

By given some options, I try the multimedia team voluntarily and it was exciting, I discover the field that I love to do, designing the flyer and creating a video with my team. My mental health is getting better and I feel accepted here until the time, in my third year, my mind has grown and think to leave the team, just because I got bored and my spirit to serve in church declined for no reason, makes me rarely to attend pray time. It went worse, and I dragging myself to apart from the community.

My leader in multimedia department pointed me to create a video for the annual retreat and since I had not worked with video for some period of time, I fail to make it on time. The leader told me the deadline is due and that is okay if I am not finished yet, as long as the promotion could be published in this week. Then the publication went sour, I forget to check the brightness of the video and the video is too dark in the projector. This experience makes me want to leave the community, I show up rarely to church and if the leader ever asked, I replied that I was busy with my exam.

There was education event to study abroad in my city and I have the opportunity to attend. The stand that I was looking for is either an IT major or design major. I don't have any intention to look at different major since I am not interested. After the event end, I went back home and have a conversation with my dad. He knows well the challenge of working in IT industry that is mentally demanding and time-consuming, you also need to have a strong problem-solving skill and quick reaction. He sees that I lack the attributes to work in IT industry and the competition between IT companies is fierce.

Later I talked about design major and I want to be focusing on animation. Another disapproval came from his mouth saying that it will not pay the bill. The chance of success in this field is small and he doesn't see as I have the ability to create a decent piece of art. In that time I gave up, I planned to work right after I finish my high school for any position available and end up becoming a salesman in a local stock-trading company, and only worked there for three days. My dad told me that I gave you a chance to learn the company works and as he expected that the company used high school graduates channel to gain their prospective customers.

I desperately nothing to do, comparing to some of my classmates had prepared with their major. I also don't understand why I don't have any intention to take some of these noble major such as law, doctor or engineer. Then I start to find any production house, to work as their graphic designer. The HR has seen my portfolio and told me to come tomorrow for the interview test. I came to him and talked about my experience and intention to work there, later he gave me a test, that I failed in all aspects. The test comes in three different software; first from illustrator or Correl draw, that I need to draw modified 12 circles in a different size. second from Adobe Photoshop, that I need to draw the object exactly from the first model, with some elimination of confetti. Third, I need to draw 12 models which look like a cartoon in 360-degree perspectives (one model every 30 degrees). I even could not pass the first test and later I told him to come back later.

My dad kept asking about my choice of university and I have no answer. He later registered my name in one school of business and since I do not really care about it, I just think that business major may work for me. I agreed with his decision and he explains that business field offers a various program and you will find what you love there. Fair enough I thought, I might be land to accounting or marketing, I have not tried it before though even if I do not found it later, the skill is universal and useful to have.

My first semester was spent fairly good, I enjoy the subject that challenged my intellectual to think differently and since this was just a start, my interest in the subject, Economic is in the highest state even though I should study the foreign language there, I felt zero burdens because everyone felt the same thing in their first experience in the new stuff. In the first semester, the topic was not deep enough so learning in the surface area still acceptably fast and the fun you get from your university friend makes you learn faster.

I make many new friends in the first year, from the foreign in my dormitory to the local students. My semester was enjoyable and I consider first to third's semester was the best time of my life. I take a part in university organization, something I never did before of getting involved to student community as a member. I was introduced with organizing an event, which I enjoy most to plan it for students. My senior even told me that I have a unique solution to the problem, not from giving attention to detail but the expression of the idea that just come out from my mouth, that in my further career I can be placed in the position of most people can't work in that capacity.

The bad stuff happens when there is an internal conflict from previous board leader to the newly appointed leader, change the management system toward our school agreement. The previous board member was the founder of this organization and set this organization to be apart from university interception in serving and combining our party with the local student. While the new leader has a different opinion that we could have a better relationship with another faculty in the university and manage events together. This school politic went worse because it holds the new decision upon new activity from student union and this condition may bring the unhealthy relationship with the faculty since we are responsible for the event in the university.

Later my good friend in the union told me to create one event that has no relation with the university and collecting the sponsorship to support the event. We are collected to some of the active members in student union and some of them are agreed to take a part, however, we still stuck with one position that we should have before finding another member, that is a front office position, a public relation that can be responsible for doing a negotiation with the sponsorship, make a continuous touch with student, and can handle stress to the similar questions. We are unable to find any so only we do this part. I found that it is frustrating to deal with talking to people, I got tired easily and once I did the job I got extremely exhausted. I found out that working with people is not my traits.

In the event I found my past passion, to work in the media by designing a flyer and ticket, making a promotional video, and writing about the content of the banner. It could be my cure through my hard time after doing promotion in two months extension. One problem that I don't think art is my talent is because rarely people appreciate with my creation. The moment people did that to me was in my highschool, I reworked some designer logo and picture and they said I was good enough to work in creative department but still deep inside my heart keep telling that it was not my original piece. I have a good analytics in 2D and 3D object and I have told you that I am a daydreamer but putting it into paper is another new level. My drawing was bad and I can be honest that I am not gifted in drawing as my friend that can draw object precisely of what is in his mind, even he learns it by himself.

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Back to my personal topic, so from the information that i perceive in the world, where i should go? If i ignore what my heart told me, and follow my logic, i would be likely walk in the path of technology, e-commerce for example as combination between business activity and information technology or boldly take website developer since everyone will need them in year ahead. However, it would lead me back to the disappointment, of what i have experienced for 4 years walking in the wrong direction, leave me in suffering and negative mind toward life since the principle of major i took does not relate with my personal value. It based on someone opinion and at that time i have no idea where is my career would be, the good side about this job enable me to get the job easily than the specific major one. I have tried warehousing, sales and finance and all have its own point.

I am not disappointed though i also learn some stuff in the way, every knowledge is important. Still, i could be better if i know my ideal career. Currently i work on it and every new option to consider should pass these criteria:

Passion

If it does not resonate with my heart, it share different value for my principle, therefore i will decline the major since it is not my passion.

Talent

Talking about intelligent, the strong point which distinguish the quality between other, the gift from the above which is powerful if it used wisely.

Personality

Do i have the quality to perform well, how is my endurance toward rejection or waiting, do i consider myself adaptable, can i work with different background of people, and the list going much. This point is important to maximize the two point stated above. I always remember from the psychologist directly that this can be changed patiently by given plenty of time teaching myself.

Value

I consider this is the most important point to keep my performance consistent and help me to come back if i ever fail. What is my value hold into? Do i envisage world as a competitive field, who the best will win and collecting wealth to be my personal goal?, or to die in honor by serving faithfully to country or humanity and everyone will remember his name?, or making someone life better from what you are doing.

So this is my spectrum of calling version, it inspires from other reference to which has the same idea with it, given by 4 different characteristic of your ideal job, you need to love it (passion), you are great in it (talent), you are paid for it (monetize), and the world need it (mission). So what i have been working right now it to filter the prospective major i want to study in Canada later so here comes the graph.

I share equally the Passion and Talent value as they remain static, i can never change what already discover in my Passion, the list grow as i find another interesting stuff i love to doing for. However, i could turn off my Passion of something happen between it and i refuse to take any further action. For example when i was young, my mom told that i enthusiast to playing with dangerous stuff, electric cables is my friend and one day i got shocked from it and starting from that day i refuse to play with the stuff again but my curiosity has not changed. The factor underline to why i am not playing football and rather play with ridiculous stuff is because my curiosity.

One day, there is intelligent test in my primary school and the test result is good, my IQ consider as smart in average of 126 but this is contradictory with my study, most of my marks were under perform and consider myself as rebel, i hate following the lesson not because my capability does not enough so it bring me to frustration but because i am not interested with it. I hate to memorize lesson i consider useless but i attract with sport science and this lead me into the Kinestetics study type.

I seek personal escape through activity after class such as football or computer games, i can get easily addicted to the new games and since i was good at sport, i enjoy football. So if i could summed up what i love to do in my childhood, i am good at any activity that involve physically.

In my middle high to high school, my mark remain same, always under perform regardless how high my IQ is. Later i learn that even i could absorb the study material quickly, i easily given up if the subject does not excites me coupled with severe procrastination. I tend to finish stuff in short period of time (last minute study), which make my work mostly unprepared and unprofessional. My daily has not change since primary school since the time i enjoyed the most is after school period, by playing football and computer game.

I remembered in high school I ever join a church activities, which i voluntarily work as multi media operator, the entrance test was making one minute video using video editor software, and later on everyone got accepted since the position are hard to find the candidates. It was my first time working individually and the activity i most enjoyed is not about the result of my work, instead of how i plan of how my video supposed to be. If everyone were busy with the stuff i consider not interested, i plan it with every detail i could find, the selection and harmony of sound effects, the sequence transition, the element of lights in emotion, which excite my brain to the most but back to my weakness, i spend too much for planning and when it comes to execution, i got confused from where to start.

In this story, it shows that i love to plan but not to execute, i love to draw the chart and calculate the outcomes so i could say that i am a good planner and analyze but bad to follow up with my plan. Planning is not same with organize since plan only happen before the time frame while organizing is keep the plan works consistently from the beginning until the end.

This came up with my first major project in my life, that the senior member in multi media division trusted me to do the annual video promotion to attract teenager. The theme is about the time is short for our savior to come, so all sinner shall repent before He comes. I was busy with the planning, i don't want to disappoint my senior and it took all my time and energy, i also use the advance video editing software, after effects. I don't know the reason of why i am doing this but i love the process of learning the software even though is hard to understand in my level. Regardless i have minimum amount of time, i still insist to edit the video using after effects and the result is good, i feel satisfied and proud of myself, my personal mind keep telling i done the job perfectly and i was so happy.

Later i becoming more serious with media and art field, i start learning how to do photo editing tool and graphic creator. This point i felt somewhat stuck, i am good with imagination, my mind project a grandeur plan while my skill could not follow. I am poor at drawing and it leaves me to frustration since it took my time a lot and i still not satisfied enough with my drawing, which is totally different from what my mind think it should be.

This decision stopped my interest toward art, since i enjoy art but unable to creating a good piece of art and the foundation of every art need to be projected into drawing. It takes a lot time and effort to learn how to draw and in this time, my interest toward art is depleting because of my inability to draw. My drawing is getting nowhere to good, the more i put my time to draw i felt such a pressure and my personal logic told me to stop, it ain't worth it so i stopped to draw. I still enjoy any piece of art but i know my own capability that i lack of potential to put my mind picture into reality.

Finish with high school, i have some major in mind and during that time, i want to take animation or graphic designer as my first option. My dad told me to be realistic and think it carefully since only few whom perform exceptionally can be success in this field, the degree between the average and success is wide, it is like a death sentence in your career, the average will suffer to fulfill his life and spend rest of his life hard. Another point to mention is this major is popular for those who is average, doesn't have any chance to take challenge field as medicine or law since they need to be smart academically so the option left for them is Art. Some people take this major for fun or don't know where they are going so in the next period of year this job supply would be abundant, and they will suffer from the fierce competition among job seeker.

The other job that i mention is Information Technology, i don't know why this job seems interested for me, by given the difficulty and many person whom i know told me that the road of this path should be tough, you will lose your young time focusing on your study  and the development of the field is quick, which require you to be adaptable. My dad background was IT and he keep saying the same thing, i bet something horrible happen to him since right now he leaving his job and becoming an entrepreneur.

The only two options that left for me, i still don't know for other as i am not exploring the other deeply, leave me no option but following my dad opinion to study in Business major.
The experience was good in the beginning as i love the theory of economy and learn it fast, but when it comes to the practical stuff, i given up. It seems like i was lack of courage to start a business or start something, i need someone who opened a path for me to execute my planning process into reality.

In my first year, i joined a student community for my personal experience with organization since i never join any active organization which i can contribute to the school community. I was greeted by member of the organization and later i want to participating in making an event. My first event was a Christmas party, when it comes just one week after i got accepted in the union. My first job was to promote the event through the school and later i do the decoration since we lack of decoration team. The whole event was a big success and later we want to have another event, and the leader appoint some people to organize the event, and it was another success. Most of the coworker told that i have a good insight of planning every stuff in detail, and i was proud of myself to be able to contribute for their success.

If i could refer about my favorite subject in my major, it was Operation management. The reason behind it is simple, i like the way of teacher taught us with friendly approach and reasonable information. I felt that i am into this subject, regardless of executing is my worst type of job, the subject of operation management require lot of analysis on how product should be manufactured and delivered efficiently and quickly by reducing the process and waiting time, to analyze the cost of time and product in given statistical data and lots of chart. In this point, i suddenly realize that i love to analyze.

This take me to my first internship in trading company and i apply as the warehouse staff in the company but it turned bad. I learn nothing but repetitive process of data entry, what i supposed to learn for two months i completed it in three days, i only interested with how they create the warehouse system through excel and the method of payment. I expect more as i learn how to efficiently distribute the cargo in limited space of warehouse or the period of time on how the good entered to the warehouse until it arrived to destination. So i escape from the data entry stuff and i know they think i am a rebel, but i try to save my time there to do a productive stuff, i travel around the city to know the local wholesale and their price.

My second internship was better, even i work as a sales which gradually need to input the email contacts to their database, they also give me the chance work with their marketing team to do a research in prospective countries. I could perform better in this type of job but only one stuff which makes me want to leave the intern sooner is because i should finish my paperwork before May.

Currently i stuck in my job with no career prospect, while my mind completely matured in my mid-late change my view on how i see the world. I tried as much as i can, the stuff that i ever want to try and some of them work wonder. I realize i love to helping others, i feel such an accomplishment once i was able to help people. Before, i try to write the plan although i never done it, just the first part, takes me to the world of writing. I just got sudden realization that i am into writing and once i write, i will never stop writing. I should learn how to writing effectively since my writing sometimes out of topic and keeping tell the same stuff over and over again with difference emphasize.

In conclusion, my passion traits lies into this activity; Any activity that requires physical, planning something, analyze by given data and helping others. I may not discover other traits right now but eventually this will have a responsible part to be my career decision.

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